I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
