3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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