Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
