What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
