my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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