Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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