we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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