On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
