We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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