Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
