I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
