garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
