I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
