I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
