fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
