AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
