Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You left your underwear on the fireplace
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
