last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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