Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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