First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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