Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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