You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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