his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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