just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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