I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
