Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
