I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
