he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
