last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
