ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
