so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Can I color on your dick again?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
