You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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