I can tuck mytits in my pants
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
