I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You have to summon your inner elephant
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
