Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
As shirtless as possible
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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