Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
