In the future we'll all be gay
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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