That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
