Got a toothbrush?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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