...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
