i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This is my gift to your gina
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
