loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
