i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
