My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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