with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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