I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
