i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
