It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
