): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just invented taco cereal.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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