I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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