the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
